Three large vanilla & sandalwood scented candles dimly light up the room. Elizabeth Adler, The House in Amalfi (2005), in my hand. Parker, now awake, gently purring on my laps making me feel all sorts of loved and wanted. My signature big mug of coffee is sitting idly on the bedside table next to the candles. Then there’s me; in an oversized tee, multiculored fuzzy socks, hair loosely tied up in a ponytail, bra off & nothing underneath unable to move an inch. The train to the world of the gods in my dark head is about to leave the station. Never to return soon.
It’s been a long time since this happened. Almost two months now. School has been hectic. Assignments here. Lectures there. Pending academic mails everywhere. Unfinished projects lying around my room for the forth week straight. Not to mention the backlog that awaits me at work. I’m slowly losing on my social & personal life as the little time I get is spared for some sleep, regardless of what time it comes through. Life this past few months has been a little too heavy for a twenty year old and I am at the verge of breaking down.
It was about a month ago that I was figuring out how life would be with this friend now stranger. I thought about how we’d craft our story together and live the future in the beautiful Seychellois islands-this is where I’ve always wanted to spend my next life once I get my finances right. The stranger, Wan, In the short time I knew him; became close, a little too close for my liking. But either way, it was the best of times, literally. Somehow, this is what happens when I let human company into my space; feel good for a couple of days or even weeks, before I adjust the wires in my head to normal and shut them out again.
This time someone outdid me in my own game though. They came, made me believe people weren’t that toxic after all, stayed a month and left the moment they discovered my other side. So tonight, Holding onto the good memories of amazing company and crying over the sweet lies, I choose to smile at this friend that has stayed true to me all this long; my cat.
She reminds me of this time when one of my college close friends told me that I’d grow to become one of those spooky cat ladies and that I’ll be the lonely woman who lives at the corner, and parents point to their children warning them not to go near me because all those cats are signs of voodoo, that’s if I didn’t stop with the cats madness and start fancying humans.
But what is life without these amazing creatures that are cats? Happiness to me is coming back to a clingy loving cat that makes you forget the troubles of this world for a moment. And human connections are ephemeral and a scam. So yes, the spooky cat lady I’ll become; moving forward, only carrying with me the good albeit nothing much to write home.
Back to my present, the other day I was ambling down the streets to the coffee house before randomly showing up at one of the supermarkets in town. They had a sale. And I love discounts. The idea of getting a product at half its price or even less intrigues me in ways I can’t explain. Thought I’d get myself some ravishing outfit then go on with my journey, until I saw the get three books at sh 1000 offer at the books section of the same outlet that the outfits thought was put on hold.
Life stopped for a minute considering I saw some Paulo Coelho and Danielle Steel in the mix (happy dance). How often do you find brand new books at such throw away prices? I didn’t care I’d get dirty so sitting on the floor it was going to be until I found the top three books that would see me leave my money with the cashier. Just when I was about to leave, someone walked in and offered to add me three more books on condition that I become their accountability partner.
Books turn me on (pun definitely intended) and so I take up the offer. Again, I go back to digging the best reads but this time with my newly found friend. Then she offers to drop me home as we talk about our first book meet up that we slated for Saturday. Things happened so fast. Well, what do you expect when two introverted bookies meet. Great chemistry!
And now as I wait for tomorrow with the candles slowly burning away, making peace with my inner demons and the now cold coffee calming my empty stomach, it will only be fair that I wake up a sane human when the sun rises in the morning.